Blexit Foundation

When I say I am happy to share this space with you, I genuinely mean it!  Today we will take a deep dive into what happiness means. Sounds simple enough, right?

Let’s look further. By definition, happiness is a noun that means “the state of being happy”. Happiness in Psychology means “a state of well-being”. Happiness has multiple definitions but is often most described as positive emotions and life satisfaction. I have many more questions about happiness than what the dictionary gave me. I heard it said that “happiness is the result of effort”. Wow! When I read this, I stopped in my tracks. You mean, I can’t just sit around and wait on happiness to land on me like a bee drawn to a flower on a hot summer day? Nope. I’m afraid it doesn’t work quite like that, my friends. There is a reason the “pursuit of happiness” is a saying and a movie, and a book, and, as a matter of fact, a way of life. Constant pursuit is mandatory. There is a distinct difference between joy and happiness. 

You would be surprised at how people can be shamed by others for simply “being too happy”. There is a cultural norm that says (without saying it) don’t flaunt or overindulge in your happiness. There is a tendency to avoid excess emotion, especially if the people around you feel as if you are ignoring the troubles in this world. They feel the need to make sure you are engaging in sadness or heaviness as much as they are. Misery, does indeed, love company.

Happiness causes people to wonder what trick you’ve got hiding up your sleeve, or what kind of secret formula you have found, or the ever-famous question “who do you think you are?”. It’s no wonder that our culture is the saddest in the world. There are many reasons that people stop pursuing or simply “dumb down” their happiness. One reason is to help others feel better about their sadness. It’s an empathic thing. If you don’t understand this, be grateful, it’s a blessing and a curse. 

So, if happiness is the goal and what we are all chasing, then why is it also something we shy away from? Shying away from happiness can be the result of many different reasons. Why is there a hesitation toward fully embracing it? 

There is one key component we must acknowledge when we consider happiness. That is that being fully happy requires vulnerability. We almost always feel happy then immediately dismiss it away with foreboding or fear of loss and disappointment. There is also an imposter syndrome that comes up for people when they experience happiness. They will often feel underserving, so they dismiss the feeling away or downplay their happiness. These are all very normal reactions to the state of happiness. 

There is also some fear around this “be happy” idea in our culture. If I am genuinely happy, then where do I find my drive and my work ethic? What if I become complacent?

Despite all the feelings that land on us when we consider being sold out to happiness, it should be viewed as a vital part of life. We must reframe how we view it. One key learning factor in my healing journey has been understanding that happiness and sadness can, and must, absolutely co-exist with one another for a well well-balanced life. 

One helpful tool for embracing happiness is to simply remember to remain mindful and to practice gratitude. If you intentionally fill yourself up with reasons to be grateful you will find authentic happiness as a result. When shame is driving the bus of our life it can be almost impossible to experience true lasting happiness. Acknowledge where shame exists in your life and find a safe person to share that with. That alone can diminish the heaviness of shame and let some happiness have space to move around inside of you. 

I encourage you today and in the days to come, especially in this Holiday season to take inventory of where you stand with your own happiness. Acknowledge deeply when laughter is present and when you feel happiness, try not to diminish it. Lean in. You may just find that being intentional is exactly what key unlocks that door. It is your right to experience happiness in this lifetime. Go after it like your life depends on it; because it does.